Great Pretender

Yep, that’s the game that I played, and for a very long time

I pretended I was happy when I wasn’t

I wanted to hide in the secret abode in the darkest part of my shadow

I used to play make believe with myself that I thought life was worth something

Then the shadow encompassed everything

Its own aura was too visible to fool me, the one that was pretending that is

I put on three costumes a day

One for work, one for the slow passing of the daylight hours, and one for my nighttime unconscious sleep

My mind told me what I wanted, so I went along acting as though it was the best thing for my soul

I pretended my mind and I were friends

But really it was an act of bowing down just as an obedient slave does to his abusive master

You see, I am in a game, a twisted game where I tried to hide from myself

Only I became miserable while playing and fell asleep

Jokes on me, I forgot I was playing

What’s the hardest part of this game?

Believing I had stopped pretending

“It’s all gonna be okay” I say

“I’m never gonna do this, and for sure I’m never gonna do that” I say

“No! Shame on you for feeling that way” it says

All the while an uncontrolled fire is raging inside screaming “Stop it! Release me!”

My stories, many stories keep me pretending

One day, I tell myself, the stories will end

The act will be over and the costumes will lay to rot

But when…

Today. Today is the day

I slowly remember I walk in a dream and wake up to the stories, the many stories

They crumble to dust and blow away

Shut down the lights

The pretender has left the stage


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